As if regular crime isn’t enough to deal with, we now have a new breed of perpetrator getting in on the act and invading our homes - yes folks, I’m talking about the Vervet Monkey.

The trouble is, high walls, alarm systems, guard dogs and security check points don’t stop these villains from invading your home, because they are the fleet footed, street gangs of vervet monkeys whose natural territory has become our rooftops, down pipes and utility cables, and whose natural diet is no longer indigenous roots, nuts and berries but rather fast food, and as far as they are concerned, the faster it’s pillaged the better!

The junk food generation of monkeys

‘Take a-ways’ has a whole new meaning when it comes to these agile, grey house invaders They grab any food they can lay their sticky little monkey paws on, although they do have a sweet tooth for chocolate, fizzy drinks, chips and cakes,  as are drugs stolen from the victims medicine cupboards. Nothing is sacred.

The blame for this generation’s penchant for junk food must rest squarely on the shoulders of Great Grandmother Vervet who broke free of the reserves and taught her offspring to hunt brand names, rather than knock themselves out wasting energy digging for roots or chewing on sour berries. It seems these forerunners of the junk food generation were ‘displaced, homeless and disadvantaged’ … but of course this depends largely on who one asks.

The imprinting theory

There is also the imprinting theory which means they didn’t cut their teeth on nature’s bounty, so over the years their natural indigenous diet has become distasteful to the little gourmets of human fodder.

However some health conscious individuals sway towards a vegan diet of fresh fruit, veggies and seeds  …  picked straight off our dinner tables, orchards and bird feeders.

Is this monkey crime our fault?

Now, I’ve been told by the experts, this branch of crime is all our fault because we built ourselves houses and developed towns which displaced the monkeys from their natural territories. And I agree, the poor souls must live hard and difficult lives trying to provide for all those dear little babies clinging to their under carriages.

Please, don’t get me wrong, I really do love these cute, uncomfortably human mini-me’s, but I only get that warm and fuzzy feeling when they are invading someone else’s property, fighting with someone else’s dogs and stealing someone else’s possessions. But love ‘em or hate ‘em … they are here to stay!